Monday, April 1, 2013

How Jesus has changed me

Hey. So I wanted to update my blog on how Jesus has risen and is alive. I been struggling all day today with it as to what to say. And I got very frustrated as I was havin some trouble so I just went for a walk and prayed about it. And GOD gave me the idea to share how Jesus has changed me as He couldn't have changed me if He weren't alive now could He?? No He couldn't. So now I will share just a bit on how He's changed me. Before I came to Christ at the time I thought I was Autistic but I have since been re-diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder. Anyways at the time I thought Autism defined who I was. And I thought should I ever be cured it would change me and I would no longer be the same person and that was a bad thing so I used to hope that there would never be a cure cause I wanted to remain the same person. I also used to think that GOD was after me. I thought GOD was this great big mean GOD who was gonna get me with lightning. I used to be afraid of being outside for to long as I thought if I was He was gonna get me. I thought if I stayed indoors I would be safe from Him. I literally feared Him. I used to think that all I had to do was just be a good person but really how good is good enough?? I was so afraid of letting anyone down so really I lived in constant fear. Fear of GOD getting me, fear of being cured and becoming someone totally different and fear of not being good enough. I would have my escapes. I used to escape in my daydream world but that did not fill the void I had nor did it take away my fears. Nothing I could do seemed to help me. Also with this fear came the want to control certain things. I had to have a certain routine and when it got disrupted I got very upset as I didn't like not having that control. Nothing was allowed to change ever. Then I came back to Christ and Jesus has shown me how compassionate He is. I still don't fully understand His love and I don't think I ever will. Instead of getting yelled at by Jesus which was what I expected I was forgiven and there was no punishment. No lightning like I thought just grace. It took me a while though to finally accept the fact that GOD was not gonna punish me or get me. When I first came back though I thought now I had to work my butt off to make up for lost time with GOD. I thought surely GOD would want some payback from me and I thought He would be so upset with me for that lost time. I struggled with such guilt over that lost time and I wanted so much to make up for that as I thought I should and I thought I had to. I thought basically that's what Christianity was that it was working to please GOD so He would be happy. Boy was I in for a shock. I started to hear at Church and stuff people calling GOD their Father and I used to think that was blasphemy and I would think surely GOD was gonna be so mad at them for that. But no no lightning no nothing. I was at the time also attending Celebrate Recovery a Christ centered recovery group for any hurt, habit or hang-up and I still go. But people would come forward and say their struggles things I thought Christians weren't supposed to struggle with. But no leader judged them or told them to get out. When I came forward with my struggles each time I thought this time for sure no one was gonna like me after hearing it and each time I was wrong. Nobody there ever told me my struggles were stupid or that I just need to get over it or just deal with it. No they wanted to pray for me and help me through it. But no one tried to fix me either. No one told me what to do and I was never forced to do anything I wasn't comfortable with. GOD has taught me that I can call Him Father which I do in my prayers. I now have my identity in Christ and no longer in my disability. In Christ I am loved. In Christ I am accepted. Because of Jesus I am an adopted daughter of Almighty GOD. GOD made me in His image. In Christ I have worth. In Christ I am important. In Christ I have value. GOD is a King and since He is a King that makes me a Princess. In Christ I have destiny. In Christ I have a hope and a future. In Christ I am beautiful. And because of Christ I will live forever. GOD is not a mean GOD who is sitting there waiting for someone to have fun and then strikes lightening at them. GOD is good. GOD is love. GOD is patient. GOD is kind. GOD is just. GOD is holy. GOD is perfect. GOD is forgiving. GOD is awesome. GOD is wise. GOD is understanding. GOD knows everything. GOD is King. GOD is Sovereign. GOD is mighty. GOD is Lord. GOD has taught me that I don't have to work to please Him. He wants me to work because I want to and I love Him. GOD has taught me that Christianity is about a relationship with GOD its not some long list of impossible things that no one can possibly do. GOD has taught me that He accepts me just as I am but loves me to much for me to stay that way. GOD has taught me that yes He does get mad but it takes alot for Him to get there and He doesn't suddenly go kaboom for no reason. GOD has taught me that He won't leave me no matter what. Even when I'm a grouch He still adores me. I'm GOD's little girl. GOD has taught me I don't have to make up for lost time He's just happy I'm back. GOD has taught me that He is not gonna punish me but rather give unmerited grace and love. GOD has also helped me deal with change and not wanting to stick to routines so much. I barely even have a routine anymore. And when change happens I no longer get upset but GOD helps me focus on Him as He never changes. Since GOD is my Father every Christian is my brother or sister. For those out there though who struggle with father issues and have a very hard time seeing GOD as Father because of the father issues here is something that might help. I read in a book that in John 3:16 where it says GOD so loved the world. So loved translates into as more then a mother cares for her child. Or just think of the person you think loves you the most and GOD loves you more then they do.... I'm gonna ask that my fellow brothers and sisters please comment and leave a little testimony of yours for others to read if you feel comfortable with that. Just short and sweet of where you once where and where GOD has brought you now.... GOD bless you